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Is Your Family Business In Turmoil? The Solution Could Be Communication

Forbes Coaches Council
POST WRITTEN BY
Phil Bristol, CMC

Understand that word choices, tone and patterns with which we speak affect what others hear. The result is that when a family member perceives that their role, responsibilities, wants or desires have been threatened, the response will likely be out-of-balance, inappropriate or confrontational. The ensuing conversation will have nothing to do with addressing a business challenge but everything to do with fueling interpersonal tensions.

As a business grows, more people are hired, which creates an exponential number of interpersonal relationships. This opens the door to intense communication and leadership challenges.

Dropping into this growth abyss is avoidable by using written documents and processes to clearly articulate three critical elements of culture: business direction, work expectations and relationship expectations.

Written artifacts clarify expectations, not only on what actions are needed for success and how each person will be treated, but they also ensure consistent and verifiable communication throughout the organization. As such, written artifacts replace oral directives by providing clarity on work execution and guidance on how we will treat each other.

Without this clarity, productivity and profitability do not improve, regardless of how much the founder rants “do it my way." Chaos ensues, collusion runs rampant, and directives become the culture of how people communicate and treat each other. Ambiguity and uncertainty spread throughout the organization while family dynamics permeate the business with interpersonal turmoil, for which neither the founder nor the family members are prepared.

Most founders are not innately prepared with the knowledge, skill sets or expertise to openly implement the three elements of success, let alone document them in writing. So founders do what they think is "best": add more family and continue to chant “do it my way."

Family-Owned Businesses Come With Family Drama

Family-owned businesses often lack the veil of civility that typically exists in non-family-owned enterprises. Family members act in ways that others would never do in other businesses. The lack of civility exacerbates problems because relationships and work complexities dramatically increase as people are added to the business.

Adding more people creates an exponential number of interpersonal relationships where the “family drama” magnifies and the number of “chaos interactions” increase. This opens the door to intense communication and leadership challenges. Adding to the chaos is the overlap of “owner," “family” and “employee” roles and responsibilities that, without proper boundaries, will result in abuse, negligence, misuse of roles and relationships, and intensify member rivalries and conflicts.

It is this ambiguity between “owner," “family” and “employee” roles that allows members to inappropriately act and speak as if entitled. As the business grows, these contentious family dynamics inhibit the ability of business leaders to effectively manage the normal challenges of growth. Unresolved family challenges stack up and intensify, business dysfunction intensifies, and underlying issues create turmoil. This paralyzes the ability to work on the business.

The Family Drama Vortex

In this culture of chaos, the only focus is to just survive. The attitude becomes “me-centric," a mindset that together with underlying family dynamic issues results in the "Family Drama Vortex," a spiraling, recurring series of negative, emotional, distracting and damaging interactions among family members.

The problem is compounded by normal business challenges and the inability of family members to effectively work on resolving business issues. As the vortex spins, personal baggage intensifies me-centric thinking, which further increases isolation. The result is that barriers are created, nothing gets resolved, and success is threatened. When consumed by the vortex, members are not able to accurately assess the current business situation and it becomes virtually impossible to recognize or work on the three critical elements that will successfully move your business forward: profits, people and process. It also has the potential to destroy relations.

Signs that your business is affected by the drama vortex may include family members wanting out, eroding profits, financial stress from poor cash flow, worsening employee issues, unplanned departures, collapsing morale and workplace incidents causing increased medical cost. An owner cannot ignore the possibility that the wrong people are doing the wrong jobs, and the way employees are treated has resulted in a dramatic drop in productivity and quality or loss of customers. The personal impact on family members can range from harmful to potentially devastating. Common realities include fighting between family members, verbal assaults, combative interactions, hurt feelings, estrangement, ruined holidays and events, damaged relationships, divorce, health issues, loss of engagement, isolation, substance abuse, inappropriate entitlement and unreasonable expectations for next generations.

Communication Is At the Root Of Taming The Family Drama Vortex

The core solution for addressing the Family Drama Vortex is understanding that the drama and dysfunction are rooted in underdeveloped communication and interpersonal skills. Only when leaders, team members and family members communicate in a way that disarms me-centric behavior, acknowledges challenges, and creates an environment for openness and understanding can they realistically discuss and solve business issues.

Effective conversations begin when leaders and team members recognize the nature of how they are currently communicating and how their actions impact outcomes and relationships (i.e., how we speak and hear). During early business stages, “do it my way” is appropriate, as this dominant style provides the necessary information on what needs to be accomplished to achieve needed results. Over time, however, the “I’m right, do it my way” style of communication becomes mirrored by others, especially family members. The cumulative effect is that essential business challenges are not addressed, functional silos begin to form, and business and personal barriers begin to build.

The Way You Communicate Matters

The solution is an “unpacking process," disassembling how and why family members are interacting, and incrementally moving individuals and teams from a low-trust culture to a high-trust culture. Unpacking is not just about managing or resolving a conflict, but transforming tensions into trust-based relationships.

In the end, untangling dysfunctional family member interactions helps reveal why and how we communicate, acknowledges the family dynamic issues between members and ultimately increases how we interact and trust.

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