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The fact toxic behavior can destroy relationships is obvious to most people. If you believe the world revolves around you, for example, your personal life will be turbulent. Yet the effect of toxic behavior on our professional success is more mystifying.
Why, for example, do we observe so many successful but obnoxious people? One reason is we often think of success solely in financial terms and from an outsider's point of view.
For example, many rich people spend a lot of their money trying to be happy, and don't always get what they pay for. We've also no idea whether a given billionaire avoided toxic habits before he or she got rich.
In any case, behavioral science offers some hope. Avoiding certain toxic habits is a more surefire way to both personal and professional success.
Here are 5 toxic habits to avoid, based upon science:
- Focusing on yourself. A tiny degree of self-centeredness is often necessary to differentiate one’s self from the wall paper. Yet, paradoxically, this is better achieved by giving more attention to others. For example, we humans have a natural tendency to repay a favor with a favor. So if you let me speak my mind and you listen, I'll feel compelled to do the same to you. Thus, if you make focusing on others a habit, people will believe they can talk to you. From there, it’s a slippery slope to having greater influence. At the other extreme, when one’s self-focus is primary it becomes narcissism. And mountains of scientific research show narcissism destroys everything from companies to relationships. And it can also destroy you.
- Aiming to make your point rather than learning the viewpoint of others. The best way to know whether you’re a narcissist is to ask yourself whether you are one. Yet, one clue about it is whether in relations with others you hurry to make your point. It's fine to have the intention of communicating an idea or constructive criticism. Indeed, if others need your feedback, input or guidance, they expect you will make your point. Yet, the best way to do this is first to learn what others are thinking. After all, their current emotional states and experiences will govern whether they even listen. What's more, learning first will make your communication more effective.
- Judging and criticizing other people and things. Few human faults are as overlooked as judging and criticizing others. Yet, the behavioral science implications of judging are both astounding and awful. For example, 97% of us suffer from a“Bias Blind Spot (BBS)” due primarily to criticizing others. Under BBS, we are unable to see the fallacies and biases in our own thinking. And the more critical we are of others, the more blind we are to valid criticisms of ourselves. What’s worse, BBS leads us to believe we are experts in knowing things about others we could not possibly know—such as their motivations. This latter effect simply makes us obnoxious. Yet, one way to address BBS, is to address judging at its root. For example, as soon as any judgment or criticism comes to mind, tell yourself, “I will judge [them/it] tomorrow!” Then, by tomorrow, you will forget all about it.
- Blaming others and lacking courage. Cowards let others take blame they themselves should own. Yet, the courageous prefer to take blame rather than see it fall on others. The result is powerful and enduring. Behavioral neuroscience research shows, for example, altruism makes people happier. Moreover, generosity offers greater well-being. Doing neither is potentially toxic.
- Showing intellectual arrogance. To some extent, the antidote to all the above toxic behaviors is humility. As the old saying goes, “The humble man cannot fall.” Yet, scientists have discovered intellectual humility is a particularly powerful determinant of success. Intellectually humble people, by definition, are not afraid to be wrong. By contrast, the intellectually arrogant hate challenge. They are close-minded, for example, and don't evaluate evidence when pushing their opinions. Moreover, amidst upheaval, intellectually arrogant people are worthless. They seek quick closure rather than effective and fair resolution. And, almost needless to say, intellectually humble people make great leaders and friends. Intellectually arrogant people are useful as neither.
To some degree, the same rules of behavior that apply in social civility apply in the workplace. And indeed, were our workplaces more civil, social rules of civility would always apply. Of course, we can't guarantee more money or fame will come with less toxic behavior. Yet, science offers us support to the hope we can at least be happier and more successful, all around.
