Bridesmaid Angry Over Wedding Date Sparks Fury: 'Leaving After the Dinner'

A bridesmaid's anger over a relative's wedding date has sparked debate online after she explained that her family member plans to get married on the day of the poster's one-year wedding anniversary.

The woman wrote that she felt outraged because her close family member had chosen to hold her wedding on such a sentimental date for her and her husband.

Since it was shared on the Mumsnet social-media platform on March 28 by @SavingForAHome, the post has received more than 320 comments. It has sparked debate online over whether the woman is being unfair towards her relative or not.

A 2022 survey of 567 readers by wedding website Carats & Cake found that 53 percent of respondents will cut their guest-list to save money, with 79 percent overspending.

"I got married to my husband last year after many years together," the woman began in her post.

"A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long and I am honestly thrilled for her," she wrote.

The woman added that, after selecting the venue of their dreams, the soon-to-be-married couple announced that they will be holding their wedding on the exact same date as the Mumsnet user's one-year wedding anniversary.

"I found out that they booked it for the same date that I had my wedding on, but the following year. So, this will be on our one-year anniversary. Now, if it was the second year or third year, or whatever then it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest, but to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now, to make it even more awkward she has asked me to be a bridesmaid," the woman wrote.

The majority of commenters criticized the woman for her "selfish" thoughts. They argued that attending a wedding on her own anniversary weekend would be a very romantic way to spend the special day.

"I'd have thought being at a wedding would be a lovely way to celebrate your anniversary," one user wrote.

"You've been with your husband for years, you aren't traditional newlyweds," another commented.

How Should the Woman Respond to the Awkward Wedding Date?

Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts told Newsweek how she would advise the woman who wrote the Mumsnet post to approach the awkward wedding-date debacle.

"Who doesn't want to shout their wedding news from the rooftops? Except when the roof is double-booked–as in the same date, same friends, and same wedding guests," Grotts said.

"Before jumping into calamity, sit down and have a candid conversation with your friend. Was the date chosen because it had a special meaning? Can one of you change it so you don't become frenemies from this day forward? Do your assessment even as disappointment sets in," she added.

According to Grotts, the woman should try not to take the situation to heart and to remember that no date will be perfect for every bride.

"Even after you clear it with family, friends, and social calendars. It's not a competition; it's your wedding day. You could at least try to work out alternate dates for the accompanying celebrations like the bridal showers," Grotts added.

Elizabeth Babinski, the founder of a wedding memorabilia business, agrees with Grotts. She told Newsweek that the woman shouldn't "be all that concerned" about the wedding falling on that particular date.

"Likely, the couple's wedding date is going to conflict with other events, too, like birthdays, anniversaries, and so on. It's impossible for them to try not to conflict with another big life event," Babinski said.

"All that being said, she should still try to have an honest conversation with the other woman and express why she's upset about it to try to restore their relationship," she added.

How Do You Know if You're in a Good Relationship?

While the women in the post are reluctant to see eye to eye over this wedding date, what's clear is that they're both in happy relationships that they want to commemorate and celebrate. But how can you tell if you're in a good relationship?

Contrary to popular belief, knowing that you're in a good relationship doesn't just come from sharing the same hobbies as your partner. Nor does it come from never arguing with each other and having a generally pleasant time where neither party is challenged.

Qualified relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass told Newsweek that in her opinion one of the primary foundations for a healthy relationship is in trust that the partners are important to each other. It's also that either party will predictably respond when required, or be willing to provide emotional responsiveness when needed.

This empathy presents itself in the act of halting your own world to listen to your partner if they're upset about a family dilemma or have had a stressful day at work. It is one of the key defining factors of a healthy relationship that can withstand trials and tribulations.

"In a healthy relationship, there is a constant stream of sending and responding to emotional cues, which is why this is an important skill for couples to fine-tune," Vass said.

According to the therapist, another key indicator of a healthy relationship is in the appreciation of one another, and in not taking each other for granted.

"Whether it's making a morning coffee for your partner or just complimenting them, consistent acts of appreciation serve to boost your partner and act as a reminder of why you chose them. Studies also show that perceived partner commitment, perceived partner satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction also indicate a healthy relationship," Vass added.

By this logic, it's important for people in relationships to embody the belief that their partner is happy with them, so as to inhibit doubts and insecurities from materializing into self-sabotage.

Relationship counselor Alexis Friedlander told Newsweek that he has his own set of ideas on how people can correctly assess whether they're in a good-quality relationship that's worth investing in or not. For Friedlander, the best predicator of relationship satisfaction is in whether a couple have worked on aligning and healing their individual attachment styles.

"The goal of attachment is not to find someone who makes you happy, but to find someone with whom you can build a secure and lasting relationship," Friedlander said.

The counselor added that there are multiple benefits that come from identifying your unique attachment style, like benefitting from an increased sense of self-awareness, improved communication, and greater empathy.

"Understanding your own attachment style can help you become more aware of how you behave in relationships and why you might struggle with certain behavioral patterns. This self-awareness can help you identify and address negative patterns, and develop healthier behaviors and communication styles," Friedlander wrote.

"Attachment theory also provides a framework for understanding how people communicate and connect in relationships. By understanding your own and your partner's attachment style, you can learn to communicate in ways that are more effective and supportive of your relationship," Friedlander added.

According to Friedlander, harnessing the knowledge of attachment theory could also lead to people developing greater compassion and empathy for their partner's experiences and behaviors. All of these lead to a stronger emotional connection and more understanding between the couple.

"By recognizing the role that attachment plays in shaping behavior, you can learn to respond to your partner's needs with more understanding and less judgment. From that, you can also learn to identify and address the root causes of conflicts in your relationship. This can help you avoid getting stuck in negative patterns and find more productive ways to resolve conflicts," Friedlander said.

Overall, the relationship experts consulted argue that a willingness to support one another, work through challenges without abandoning one another, and learn about each other's strengths and weaknesses are all factors that can indicate whether you're in a relationship that's good for you or not.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.