Civility in politics — as well as everyday American life — seems to be in short supply. But what if I told you that yours might be worth $50 million?
Mere days ago, Jeff Bezos of Amazon fame (or infamy depending on who you ask) gave away $50 million each to two people he felt embodied civility. The recipients of the 2024 Bezos Courage & Civility Award were actor Eva Longoria and retired Adm. Bill McRaven.
According to Yahoo Finance, McRaven said he wants to use the money to help the children of deceased veterans, improve the mental health of vets and help to educate future military leaders. Elle interviewed Longoria who told it that she plans to continue the Eva Longoria Foundation/Eva’s Heroes that support Latino women and special needs communities.
When he announced the award in 2021, billionaire Bezos said, “We need unifiers and not vilifiers,” He continued, “It’s easy to be courageous but also mean. Try being courageous and civil. Try being courageous and a unifier. That’s harder and way better and makes the world better.”
Hard to disagree with that. But must civility be bought in 2024?
Civility is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as civilized conduct. The meaning revolves around polite, reasonable and respectful behavior.
The Washington Post said in an opinion piece by Jennifer Rubin, “If politics is downstream from culture, then culture is downstream from character. And right now, we have a character crisis in America. It’s often characterized as a civility crisis.”
Well said. Most have experienced a decrease in polite behavior from others. Or toward others.
Incivility in politics is just the most visible.
As published in The American Bar Association’s annual survey, 85% of the respondents say that civility in today’s society is worse than 10 years ago. When asked why things are worse, 29% pointed to social media, 24% accused mainstream media and 19% held public officials responsible.
The survey was actually about civic literacy. Unrealistic expectations caused by inadequate education could be driving the drop in civility. But only around 8% of those surveyed blamed schools.
Our relationships are liable for the decrease in polite behavior. An astounding 90% of respondents said parents and families are most responsible for instilling civility in children.
While parents should instill polite behavior, they cannot take all the blame for the lack of it in all aspects of American life. Parents have never raised children alone.
Upbringing happens with multiple parts of culture contributing to the development of children. We take input from all of our relationships. This forms what we call the character that kids and adults bring to human interactions.
Another poll, conducted by The Tarrance Group (GOP), and Lake Research Partners (Democrat), showed that more than 7 in 10 voters believe that their personal values are under attack in our culture. Culture has wrongly convinced us — regardless of ideology — that any response is OK if you feel under attack.
Many of us wrongly believe that in any disagreement, political or not — our anger matters the most. We call those who try to stop us the tone police.
We wrongly imagine that only our sense of injustice matters.
Which isn’t surprising. In the last decade, we have been told by activists, politicians, psychologists and others that the tone police hurt those asked to be polite while angry.
We’re told in asking people to appropriately express anger at unfairness, the tone police are choosing their comfort over that of someone in pain. We’re mistakenly told that to want respect is to ignore the needs of the “oppressed.”
In this context, the angry person can act any way that they choose. Whoever is the target of the anger must accommodate verbal abuse or worse. This pernicious idea shows up in parenting, educating, politics or discussion of … anything.
The idea of tone police should be dismantled. Someone should uphold civility. I hope it’s you that does that.
Bezos is right for promoting examples of courage and polite behavior. Your courage and civility are priceless.
Resist the wrong messages of culture and anger to keep them.
Rachel Stovall is an event manager, entertainer and community advocate.
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