“Why can’t we all just get along?” It’s either a pretty tall ask; or realistically, just a rhetorical question when someone is exasperated by some ongoing conflict.

We can blame it all on “human nature” but humans being such a bundle of thoughts and emotions, we carry all reaches of the behavioral spectrum within each of us. And each of us has a different mixture, we are not all the same, but- we all have things in common, no matter how big or small. What if we search out those things we have in common with each other, and concentrate on them, rather than our differences?

Recently, my church celebrated Human Relations Day. The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr, whose birthday we celebrated Jan. 15, and his teachings were the topic of the service. He knew that approaching our differences in a peaceful way was how we best overcome those differences. A quote of his appeared in the bulletin: “I was convinced that worship at its best is a social experience with people of all levels of life coming together to realize their oneness and unity under God.”

He went on to say that when a church becomes exclusive and unaccepting of everyone, it becomes a mere social club. So this means that whoever may join us at our place of worship, we automatically have a commonality with them, in our chosen method of worship. Other differences should be irrelevant.

This should apply to any other social group, organization, workplace, and so forth. When internal squabbling occurs, it helps to turn the focus back on the reason everyone is there in the first place, what is held in common, and how to best achieve the shared goals of that group. We tend to lose sight of that when we become concerned with differences.

There is always a point of commonality that can be found in any human interaction, and a place where both parties are affected, or can relate, even if we have to take it to a regional, national, or global level. If we are citizens of the same town, we are all affected by decisions of local government, and all share in the results of the taxes we pay, use the roads and water lines, enjoy the parks, etc.

If we run into someone away on vacation who happens to come from our area, we bond on that common background, and at that time, our other differences aren’t important. We relate to what is happening to people in war-torn areas of the world because as we say “there but for the grace of god go I”; they are just trying to live their lives, like us. The same for victims of fires and floods and other climate disasters here and abroad, we see the common humanity and think “that could be me.” The effects of climate change will involve us all, we have a common cause with the whole world in this case.

Also appearing on that Sunday’s bulletin, was another quote, this one from John Wesley, that goes “though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike.” We don’t have to agree, to care about each other or be decent to one another. Because we all have our differences, we tend to let them overtake common civility, not to mention hampering problem-solving and arriving at compromises and mutually agreed upon solutions.

Social media has been a vicious perpetrator of allowing our meanness to come out. Before the rise of Facebook, Twitter (X), and the rest, comments made to each other had to be done mostly face to face. Shame, embarrassment, hurt feelings, regret, deep emotions were experienced as a result and served as a buffer to hasty remarks.

Written words couldn’t be sent by the click of a button, there was time to think before sending a poison pen letter. Now it’s too easy to dispense with the thought process. Many like to use the platform to show off how much they think they know, usually while deriding someone else in the process. The Dunning-Kruger effect is in full bloom on social media. Comments made at a distance don’t bother the sender, but can cause severe harm to the recipient.

As an avid Bills’ fan, I was disappointed in the end to the season, just like the rest of the “mafia” but the so-called fans who sent social media threats to kicker Tyler Bass were way out of line. We Bills fans exercise our commonality with “Go Bills” whenever we see one another, it’s a tight connection that spans many types of people. But any claim to have something in common ends with that type of behavior, and sincere fans have denounced it, to the point of sending overwhelming donations to the Ten Lives Rescue organization which Bass supports. While social media has the ability to connect people in a good way, too many use it to abuse any and all who don’t agree with them on a particular issue, regardless of the possibility that they may have many other things in common.

Cyber bullying has grown into a crisis which adds immensely to the rate of suicide deaths. The fact that a beloved Bills player was victimized shows how far this has gone, way past politics! A front-page article in the Monday paper addressed how this has brought attention to how bad this problem is. Rural Minds is a national organization based here and founded by Mayville resident, Jeff Winton, who was compelled to speak on how “unconscionable and reprehensible” the Bass threats are. Coincidently, the local League of Women Voters had just hosted an online program in which Winton presented the problem of suicide that occurs in rural areas and how Rural Minds offers help.

Rural areas especially have the problem of people being socially separated and while internet connectivity can be a positive, bullying can spoil it. According to Winton, 41% of all adults in the US experience cyber bullying with 64% of young people being subjected to it.

If anyone would like to see that Rural Minds presentation, it is on YouTube.com/@leagueofwomenvotersofchau4682/videos. You can access the website for Rural Minds at ruralminds.org for more information or to donate. And don’t forget, the 988 number is always available for suicide support.

Cyber bullying is a tragic side effect of the advances in communication, which should bind us together, not set us against each other. You would expect that the more one is exposed to different cultures, experiences, people and places, the more understanding, tolerant, and open-minded one becomes. The way social media platforms are set up, the opposite happens. Selective algorithms don’t allow for exposure to other points of view and reinforce tunnel vision and self-righteousness. The commonality produced is a severely distorted one.

“All you need is love, love is all you need”. If we can’t manage love, then at least less meanness. John Lennon Imagined, Martin Luther King had a dream. Valentine’s Day represents love, but I’ll settle for common courtesy.

Susan Bigler is a Sheridan resident. Send comments to editorial@observertoday.com